No, I don’t believe that every book needs to teach us something. Absolutely not. I read to laugh, have fun and unwind. Yet, every so often, I come across a book that invites discussion and makes me think.
At my reading programme for ages 9 and 10, we’re reading Flying with Grandpa. Yesterday, we were to read the section where Grandpa refuses to eat. He makes a fuss and keeps banging his fork on the table.
I paused as I reread this section in preparation for my reading session. The children at my book club had clearly said that they had never encountered adults behaving like children. The idea, to them, was absurd. I knew we needed to have a conversation – about dementia, Alzheimer’s and growing old. There would be no better time than this, but how could I go about it?
A Story
I lost my grandfather six years ago. He was a remarkable man, a retired Air Vice Marshal, whom I respected and loved.
In 2015, he when my sister Nisha and I went to visit my grandparents in Coimbatore, he was already declining – and rapidly. It was frightening and saddening at the same time.
One day, the two of us were sitting on the bed, talking together, and my grandfather paused at the doorway. He stared and demanded of my grandmother, “Who are those two?”
“The children!” replied my grandmother, horrified.
“What children?”
“Nisha and Varsha – our grandchildren!”
“Oh.”
Even with that response, we knew that grandfather had no idea about us. He was confused, but he just let it go.
Thoughts and Explorations
We encountered just brief moments of confusion, but it isn’t the same for everyone. Plus, neither Nisha nor I was a child when this happened.
How do we talk to children about dementia? How do we build empathy and prevent them from ridiculing the idea of an adult forgetting how to eat?
As I thought about all of these, I discovered video after video on how to explain Alzheimer’s to children. Here are a couple I used:
The length of the first video is perfect! To introduce what dementia is in a sensitive, gentle way, I think it works very well.
The second video is lovely too, though slightly long to share with children. I did use parts of it because it’s clear and has a person who is sundowning explaining what Alzheimer’s does to people.
And finally, books. I wrote about Where’s Grandma?, a book I learned about from Maria Alessandrino at the AFCC four years ago.
In their own gentle ways, books prepare us for what can be. At my reading session yesterday, I showed the children pictures from Where’s Grandma? and we continued to read Flying with Grandpa.
When we reached the section where Xerxes helps his Mamavaji to eat, I think there was just a little more understanding, a little more empathy. And that made me more than a little glad.
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